I have been practicing a bit now(practice in the way that buddhism talks about practice) and have tried hard NOT to come to the conclusion that i am a lousy buddhist all the way around. The reason that i entered practice to begin with was not only broad and specific agreement with the precepts, but also to see if i could operate from my original nature and not from all the accumulated baggage of the years. Needless to say this is proving very difficult and even though i know in my bones it really is an all day every day lifelong effort, i wish sometimes that there was more congruity between the inside and the outside.

in gassho